Pending Passions

Elusive. That's what you are. Cunning. Clever. Downright hard to catch. You are there when I want you, but you are never there when I can have you. I desire you, but you are just too elusive. They told mE to pursue you. "It's not enough," I said. "It's never really enough." They shook their heads but smiled, knowing someday I will break my resolve. "Why don't you?" they asked again. I looked down and pretended not to hear. It was eXasperating. I was alone today. The throngs of people walked by, immersed in their own worlds. They looked happy. I smiled. I was happy, but I wanTed you. I shifted my bag on my shoulder. "I shouldn't," I told myself. "I should just go home." I followed my feet. My steps took me where I should not have gone. My steps took me to you. "Just once. Just tonight." That was it. I couldn't take it anymoRe. I couldn't wait, but they made me wait. I had no choice. You were pr...

(Note: Either you read it all the way through or read the last part only. Don't stop reading in the middle of it; you'll get the wrong picture . . . and we really wouldn't want that.) It took me years and years before I could say yes to you. And even when I finally agreed, I still told myself firmly that I wouldn't get hooked on you, that I'd remain loyal to my first. But that's probably just another one of those impulse promises we make from time to time, because as time passed, I grew almost addicted to you. True, it's only been about three years, but three years is a long time to spend together. All the messages we shared, all the late night moments under the pillow, trying hard not to be heard (please don't think wrong about this sentence). Being together for three years is like a lifetime, and for you, it is a lifetime. I remember when I first had you. Everybody congratulated me. "Finally," they all seemed to say. "It took you t...