Elusive. That's what you are. Cunning. Clever. Downright hard to catch. You are there when I want you, but you are never there when I can have you. I desire you, but you are just too elusive.
They told mE to pursue you. "It's not enough," I said. "It's never really enough." They shook their heads but smiled, knowing someday I will break my resolve. "Why don't you?" they asked again. I looked down and pretended not to hear. It was eXasperating.
I was alone today. The throngs of people walked by, immersed in their own worlds. They looked happy. I smiled. I was happy, but I wanTed you. I shifted my bag on my shoulder. "I shouldn't," I told myself. "I should just go home." I followed my feet. My steps took me where I should not have gone. My steps took me to you.
"Just once. Just tonight." That was it. I couldn't take it anymoRe. I couldn't wait, but they made me wait. I had no choice. You were probably smirking. You were probably snickering. You are elusive.
The jeep couldn't run fast enough. I wouldn't have wanted it faster but still. Then I was home. Home where it's just you and me. Home where I cAn finally be with you without feeling that people are judging me because of you. Home where no one else matters. Just you and me.
But you weren't there. You weRen't here. You were not with me. You are not with me.
What happened between getting from your place to mIne? What happened while I waited for a jeep, while I held on for dear life as the jeep sped like a fighter plane across the busy streets of this city? What happened when I opened my room and you weren't there? Nothing happened. You were not there.
Sometimes I wonder why you are so hard to get. Sometimes I wonder why I can't always have you. There are people out there who get more than they need. And though there are also people who will never know how it feels to have you, at least they will never know how it feels to lose you. Sometimes I wonder if you're just doing this on purpose. Then again, I know you wouldn't. You Couldn't. It's still my fault.
I rest tonight thinking of what might have been. I rest tonight wishing I made sure you'd be here. I rest tonight still longing for you.
But I will have you. Someday, when the time is right, when, as they say, the stars have aligned, you will be mine. That glorious day will be wonderful. Maybe less for you than it is for me, but it will be magnificent in every way imaginable. You will be mine. Someday, we will finally be togEther. Someday, you, and me.
*So you probably skipped to this part hoping to find who this letter is really for. I'm afraid I won't be writing it down this time. But if you really want to know, there are random mistakes in the letter above that spell out just for whom this letter is for.
**Why I wrote it? Let's just say I didn't get what I ordered.
***And one more thing, check your items before leaving the counter. =)